A is for angst .. right?

It's completely irrational, bordering on insanity really. 

When I am in a relationship or even when I am just in love, I get angsty, I get very, very angsty. 

I can often hide it from the target or cause of my angst - in fact, most of my ex-lovers would refer to me as fairly laid-back overall, I have several that I am still friends with - I even touched base with my very-ever-first loved last year and even though it has been close to 28 years since we spoke, he remarked that I still seemed like the laid-back me. I am very good friends with an ex from 10 years ago - we talk all the time and he has said the same .. so you see, I am very good at hiding it. Until I am not. 

My behaviour ranges from mild uneasiness to outright paranoia; depending upon the perceived slight I am facing but the fear is always the same; he has stopped liking/loving me/he is going to leave. 

Does everyone get this way? I'm inclined to think we have all experienced this to a degree but believe me when I tell you that my angst can beat up your angst any day .. I am the Spiderwoman of angst; it's my superpower. 

Take this morning. It's 4:15am and I cannot sleep. Why? Because my guy hasn't contacted since 9:30am yesterday morning. Yeah .. that's right, it hasn't even been 24 hours. 

The thing is, over the past weekend, right after our 'break-up' and for the week before it as well, he was calling/skyping/texting all the time .. half a dozen times a day sometimes - and we have never missed an evening Skype chat - until tonight. Even last night, he was going out to have dinner with some new friends. Before he went he skyped for an hour, on the way there he sent a couple of SMS's saying that he missed me and discussing some plans for my upcoming visit next month. On the way back from the dinner he SMS'd again and when he got home, even though it was extremely late, he skyped to say goodnight. I was then awoken by skype first thing until he realised he had woken me and told me to go back to sleep and he would call later - which he did. When he called we had a brief half-hour chat and he said he would call later to talk longer .. but he never did. And rather than recall that he has been incredibly warm and attentive for ages now, I am focused upon the fact that he hasn't called. It's crazy!

I have used the photograph from True Romance above because that's what this feels like - laughing while being beaten to a pulp in a bathroom by Tony Soprano .. it simply makes no sense outside of a particular narrative to worry and fret - and yet .. here it is .. happening. 

Does anybody else get this way, or is it just me?