'poly-speak'

I'm confused (again)

I am not sure if my guy is actually (or wants to be actually) polyamorous or, if he just wants to be able to fuck other women - to explore a little or, if he is just a commitment-phobe. Maybe he's a bit of all three.

As we are in a LDR, I forsee problems in front of us - actually, we have problems behind us and problems on top of us right now. I am open to discussing his sexual needs, I am open to exploring my own. But, I am not open to either of us exploring these needs while we are separated by a very, VERY large continent. I cannot see myself being in any way okay with him being in physical contact (or emotional come to that) with other women while I am unable to be in contact with him myself. I don't care how it is sold to me, I ain't buying.

Hell, I am not even sure of exactly what our 'relationship' (there go those air quotes again) is. A couple of weeks ago he described his ideal as me and him being a hub, one that brings in other sexual partners, and I am okay with this but - call me crazy - how the eff does a hub work from a distance?

I keep reading up on poly and I am pretty sure this isn't what he has in mind. It's not really what I have in mind either. I want him to be happy but I also want me to be happy - and I am fucked if I can figure out how to be happy when we are miles apart and he is talking to other women online in order to set them up as potential sex partners for him and me.

I seem to lack the vocabulary to discuss my fears, concerns and needs - and this goes for the whole 'relationship' .. is this another bad sign?

I don't understand how someone can feel so right for me and yet so wrong at the same time.