If you think you have relationship problems ..

I am here to make you feel much, much better.. 

Because chances are, after reading about mine you will have the same sense that you do after watching "Jerry Springer" -  utter relief that somebody, somewhere is crazier than you are. 

My current relationship (and I use the term loosely because, amongst other things, my guy is 'uncomfortable' with the term 'relationship' .. yeah .. I know) began ONLINE, is plagued by distance (we are on opposite sides if Australia - not a small thing), he was living with another woman so when we met so, it was also an affair .. and to top it off .. he is polyamorous and I'm well .. not .. at least I don't think so, but that is a whole other post. 

Red Flags Anyone??

Yeah .. I do so love a challenge. 

The Affair

I'll begin with the 'affair' aspect because that is where many people will focus - and I understand that. 

I told my guy from the beginning that I was not interested in becoming involved with a man who was attached .. and I meant it. I will be honest here and admit that this isn't a moral or ethical issue for me, it's a vanity one - I don't like feeling 'second' and I don't like the feeling of someone I am falling in love with sharing his day-to-day life with somebody else. 

He and I tussled with this because he assured me that although he liked his partner/GF very much, he had long lost any romantic/sexual feelings for her. 

Okay - but what exactly does that mean - he was still with her right? Still sharing her life and her bed? 

It was about 2 weeks in to our 'relationship' that I wrote the first of what would be several angst-ridden emails - I recall it well because I couldn't see the point in pursuing something when he was already 'taken' .. to me, it took all of the risk/surprise off the table - all he could offer was an affair and I wanted/needed more; I was ready to dive into something and REALLY find out where it would lead, and the affair meant that I knew EXACTLY where it owuld lead - he would still have someone central in his life and I would be broken-hearted - not my idea of a fun time. 

He responded that things were far from 'fixed or certain' and that he was actually quite unhappy with where he was, but unsure how to get 'unstuck' from where he was. 

This tided me over for a little while and as we were not being physical - well, nobody's squishy bits were getting touched, it was an online thing after all - I 'allowed' myself to continue (I use the "" around allowed because I am aware of just how much of a cop out this was). Fact is I had been single for seven years. And not just relationship single, single in every sense of the word. Single. No Sex. NO Romance. Nada. Zero. Zilch. So, yes, I guess I was both emotionally thirsty but also - I was so stunned to find somebody who I was attracted to - it had been so very long since this happened and I selfishly wanted to hang onto that - whatever self-justification was required. 

Okay .. it was lust .. so sue me

And so it began, and grew and got completely out-of-control in the good and the not-so-good way ...