The Affair Part 2

The Affair Part 2

As I have already mentioned that my guy is poly and was in a relationship when we met, I should clarify that he was not in a relationship with a poly woman - 

In fact, the GF then was/is about as monogamous as you can get - marriage, happy-ever-after etc .. 

Uugghhh .. please!

So, I was indeed 'the other woman' in every sense of the word, even though I was virtual and about 4000 miles away. It was a recipe for disaster as he and I barrelled toward each other with increasing velocity and his relationship with her became plagued with problems and doubts which, while always there, we exacerbated by my presence. 

Did/do I feel badly about this? Absolutely. They were having problems and she was unaware of the reason for these problems - true, these existed before I ever came along but,  as he and I grew closer .. the problems that he had within the relationship changed. Let me explain: before he and I met, he had all but accepted that the relationship he was in, with all of its issue was 'normal' and 'how things are'. His loss of desire and sexual interest in her  he considered to be normal and her controlling ways he also considered to be normal. 

The thing is he did and still does like her enormously as a friend and she, being in love with him, clung to this friendship out of fear of losing 'him' forever. But it wasn't working. 

Possibly besides the point of this post, but I want you to understand that I did not happen upon an otherwise functional relationship and .. well, wreck it. This wasn't the case at all. Many times when he told me that he cared about and for her, I suggested that he take time and really try to work things out with her .. but, it was for all intents and purposes over as a romantic thing. 

In the meantime, our relationship grew and grew .. we talked for hours on Skype almost every day - sometimes writing, sometimes voice and sometimes video .. we also emailed and SMS'd and anything else we could thing of. This man moved into my head and, well, he still lives there to be honest. I think of little else. 

After about six months of being virtual, the time came to meet. It had been some time coming as he didn't know how he would manage to spend time with me because of her. I told him that he needed to figure this out as I was over being virtual and either we stepped up or, what was the point?

I flew to his city for 3.5 weeks. He had pre-planned a meet by telling the GF that he wanted to date other women and that he had 'recently' (yes, he lied) met someone online that he was interested in meeting for lunch and perhaps sleeping with. Thing is, she knew he was/is poly and she also knew that he was uninterested in her sexually but, she had managed to keep a lid on this for most of their 3-year relationship. 

It was by no means an easy chat and she made his life hell for a few weeks - hell. But, he stuck to his guns and insisted that he was going to meet 'this woman'/me irrespective of what she said (he did offer to move out and end the relationship if it was going to be too painful for her and, she also went on a date with another man first, so, this wasn't in any way an ultimatum or anything of that nature). 

The first time we met was not one of the 'dates' he had pre-planned with her. He made another excuse to be away for a couple of hours and, after six months of intensive communication and almost unbearable building lust .. we met. 

And it was utterly and completely amazing. 

It not only translated into real life, it transcended it; and this is when the 'affair' kicked up a notch. 

I think that he was always concerned that I would not come or, would back out at the last minute on a meet, but when I did show up and it was wonderful, well, he spent the weekend at home, we met again on the Monday and it was possibly even better .. and then, all bets were off. 

The more she tried to hold on to him, the more he came to me I guess. We really were like magnets. 

Long story short - he ended the relationship. Well, he tried to .. she refused to accept it and even now - some 5 weeks later, they are still having issues about this. 

Without disclosing too many personal details, lets just say that there are reasons that she and he are still in each others lives (no, not kids) on a day-to-day basis. On top of that - she came up with the brilliant plan that instead of moving out, that he move into the spare room so that they could continue to share living expenses .. (yes, any women reading this will recognise this for what it is .. any men .. well, it might sound perfectly reasonable to you). 

I am now back home and have been for a couple of weeks, they are still 'separated' but, sharing a house/life .. and I am actually okay with this .. really, doesn't bother me at all, I am just sitting back waiting for the inevitable A-bomb.

But .. reality is, I am here, he is there and well, she is still there to .. up next: This sucks beyond belief.